For some reason, I've always loved learning about love languages. I think knowing your own love language helps you understand yourself better, and helps you to find relationships (friendship, family, romantic) that have a higher chance of being successful and fulfilling. I also think having a conversation with people who are significant members of your life is beneficial.
We all think we know how we best show and recognize love, but when it comes down to either Choice A or Choice B, what would you actually choose? I've always known I craved physical touch. I love cuddling, hugs, holding hands, and being in close proximity to someone I care about. But I just recently took the test again and was surprised to discover that I tied Physical Touch with Quality Time. I've always been appreciative of spending time with loved ones, but I never thought it was as much as I enjoyed physical touch.
And yet, I get myself into distance relationships, where I rarely get to see them (lack of physical touch), and we only get to connect electronically (lack of quality time). Yes, phone calls become so important, but when they don't happen, I start to feel my bucket emptying by the second. And there's only so much you can talk about on the phone. The real connection and conversations of substance happen face to face.
Those results have gotten me thinking about my relationships. Lately, my bucket has been feeling a little empty in several aspects. Work is great, and that bucket is overflowing. I miss my family, so that's part of it. And while I got to spend lots of time with Mo this weekend, seeing lots of sites, traveling; there wasn't a lot of quality time. The entire drive home was spent with his grandmother, so processing through the weekend, didn't happen at all. I think that's contributing to a lot of my "empty bucket"ness.
Life has been so busy for Mo with work, and school has been pretty intense for him, too. And I'm trying to be supportive. I really, really am. But it's hard when I feel like a hassle and a distraction. And I don't ever want to be considered needy, but I do have needs. It's just hard sometimes to stand up for your needs when you know they're not being met a good reason. Does any of this make sense or am I just rambling?
It definitely makes sense.
ReplyDeleteLove languages are always interesting. I'd never taken the test until today, turns out I put a lot of stock in verbal affirmation and gift giving- I didn't think either of those would be my languages (and feel like they make me seem slightly shallow...). It is really interesting to look back through interactions and see how they appear in past experiences. One of the benefits is that you know what is important to you, and that you can talk to Mo about it to make sure it's taken into account in the future.
I know it's hard to speak up about your needs when it seems like there is a good reason that they aren't being met. I'm sure you and Mo have already talked about how empty you're feeling, and I know you guys will find some quality time in the future. I know long distance isn't any fun, but I know you guys can work through it.
TL:DR Keep your needs in mind, and keep fighting the good fight. We're here to support you :)
Perfect sense. And there's a HUGE difference between being needy and getting your needs met. You're awesome my dear. I miss you bunches.
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