Hope vs Fear

So those 2 emotions have been swirling through my brain the past few weeks.  To the point that I find myself daydreaming, and those 2 words are distinctly in those thoughts.

So obviously, I ignore them and try to pretend like there isn't something on my mind.  Until I'm dead asleep after starting The Hunger Games on Netflix last night and jolt awake after hearing President Snow say


"Hope. It is the only thing stronger than fear."



I don't EVER remember that line from the book or the several times I've watched the movie before. And I rarely wake up until the end of a movie if I fall asleep during it.  But that quote stirred something inside me and I haven't been able to get it off my mind since. 

Fear is defensive.  Fear is intended to keep one's self safe using a heightened sense of awareness and constantly expecting the worse from people.  Because people are bad and the good ones are the exception to the rule.  "I'm scared."  "I'm fine."  "I can do this alone." are commonly heard.


Hope is optimistic.  Hope is believing that good things are going to happen.  Hope believes that most people are good, and that sometimes, they just get lost along the way and become selfish.  "let's do this."  "To be honest..." "I trust you" are the biggest ones. 


If you know me at all, the former has been my mantra for a while now.  And it's been safe.  And I've liked it.  But what I've actually been "living" is fear.  Fear of being denied. Fear of being forgotten.  Fear of being ignored, judged, ridiculed, criticized, the list goes on.  And so I've shut myself off from people and kept people at a distance.  I've been fighting myself to be optimistic, when everything about me was pessimistic. 


But I want that to be different.  I want to have hope in society.  I want to have hope in people.  Hell, I want to have hope in mankind.  And the only way that that will happen, is if I make the choice to have hope.  Not to say I'm going to start opening up 100% to every new person I meet, but I need to stop being so fearful of everyone having bad intentions.  I need to hope that they're a "good egg" and give them the chance to prove it. 


That "hope" starts the second I hit that "publish" button.  I admitted to a very dear friend that I was afraid to even publish this post.  I've yet to decide if I'm going to share the link to this post.  As the quote from the book continues...


"A little hope is effective, a lot of hope is dangerous.”


Having a lot of hope that the whole world will be accepting and loving of this shift I'm making may be just a little dangerous.  But having a little hope that my closest loved ones support and encourage me?  I think that's a pretty effective start.